Testing the waters

Bonjour!!
So I have arrived Paris two weeks ago yesterday! So much has happened!! First the weather, it freaking cold. It never seems to go above 60 degrees, and the sun is always hiding. As In the States, people here have been saying it's been a long winter, and cold without an end in sight.
My grandmother who is the first reason I came back to France after an almost 9 year old dry spell has been recovering from her perforated ulcer surgery. That means she is better, and getting ready to be released the real world in a week or so but also the I am not as inclined to visit as often as I did when I first arrived. I first stayed at Myriam's place in Versailles. She went out on vacation to Britanny and left her small addict apartment for a good week. I couldn't have been luckier!!! The only problem is that versailles is an off suburb of Paris from which you can only get to Paris and other sunburns by train. And I tell you ; it cost a lot to ride public transportation here. It cost 6 euros one way to get to my grandmother or 4 to get to Paris centre one way. That is 7 and 5 dollars respectively one way!!! Life in Paris is mad expensive!!! You cannot find an apartment under 800 euros unless or 500 if you co-live or share!!! That's 1000 or 650 respectively. But regardless of this I remain positive and full of aspirations without setting any goals, and let the wind carry me and show me where to stear.
After a couple of days I also succeeded in borrowing a friend's bike. I knew that in order to survive in this city I would have to drastically reduce my transportation costs. So yea!! Thank you Helene!!!!
During my first week I also got to test the waters and play some in the streets of Paris. My first Saturday was a bit of a disaster. I woke up with a terrible hang over, all thanks to a great reunion happy and party time with Rita and her colorfull friends, ranging from Sherriff the algerian bar owner where we started off with his tap beer he needed to empty out as he had just been forced shut on administrative leave for violating a city ordinance by being open after 2 am and aka being too noisy to the arch enemy neighbors. As a matter of fact, after two beers getting ready to leave, a group of four undercover cops paid him a visit to let him know the neighbors were still calling on suspicion he wasn't serving his administrative closed sentence. We all insisted we had been there helping him clean the bar with a couple drinks to make the work a little more pleasurable. 8The cops left with a warning! Close call. Either way they themselves said they had better things and thugs to catch. Anyway we continued our night fun in the smallest two piece apartment where a hoarde of 30 people crammed together with Mojitoes bad rock all waiting for Sherriff's famous couscous. By that time he'd already been totally plastered since after lunch but still pulled off the delicious north African dish, and the topless dance after closing the door to the bedroom where people stood standing chatting a la francaise of boring normalities and quotidiens. This friday, sheriffs bar will reopen and I can assure you I will be there as the celebration will be filled with his chef's amazing Morrocan Tagine and great great fun different happy people!!!
Paris is not a boring place, it is not filled with depressed people. It will appear to be if you surround yourself by those who are depressed or if you believe they are. The truth is that like anywhere else if you smile here, most likely you will smiled back at.
In any case I woke up with a terrible headache, and only got to play very little at random places surrounding Montmartre and the Sacre Coeur where Rita now a full time photographer artist displays her argentine exposed black and white prints in front of closed up shops or indoor makeup restaurants. Sunday however is another story. I set myself up in the Marais; the old Jewish quarters. The streets are narrow and filled with Falafel restaurants. The narrow alleys get filled with Jews and tourists of all sorts.I first thought I would do best playing french waltzes, but I quickly tried some klezmer and to my surprise, people responded best to the Jewish repertoire. I only made 70 euros by the end of the day, but I couldn't have been happier with such returns. I honestly didn't expect to make more than 50 after the 6 hours of playing. I ended my first weekend in Paris content and satisfied knowing that the street music could make me just about break even living in such an expensive city where the competition of street musicians is very very high, and of caliber. Everywhere touristic you are sure to find not only solo artists but amazing groups of musicians each as amazing as one after the other.
The truth is that I had no expectations and also some fears to tackle such a renowned music scene, and I can honestly say I couldn't be happier with the result. No expectations, no goals, no pre conceived idea of what I d like to reach; rather only intuition, feeling the wind, it's direction and listening to it and to your friends. So far it's led me well, I have been received and guided suggested where to play, where to ask, who to speak and only great things have come from it. I'm loving Paris, it really is a cosmopolite city, filled with Africans, indian, pakistanais, chinese, Americans, europeans, people from all over the world, all just as marvelled to be in a place where so many people From Different places living and congregating sometimes mixing. Paris feels very different than what I remember. I do not feel the hate; or the xenophobia that was dominant years back. The Sarkozy years are past; new restaurant and shops are now owned operated by young people like me, uninterested at the french old status quo, and striving to make this place an integrated little new york like gumbo. Of course I've only arrive very recently. Yes. I have also been confronted with some really aggressive people, drivers or passive aggressive unhappy people; but all I can do is love where the universe and it's breath have sailed me to. And that is where happiness and content lies in; the pure being in the present, fully aware and feeling with all your senses.
It's time to go to bed. I wish I had more time, but I have run out for today. I already have in mind my next blog entry, be prepared for pictures and sound clips!!!!

Here are some quick pics of bike ride I took along the seine to save on riding the train. It was 2 hours long at a good 22km of pedaling. Smells of lilac and may 1st muguet filled the air !!!

Good night

Coffee on wings, memories bubbles and doors

Good morning everyone.
I just woke up. For the last couple minutes some brouhaha and some windows have been opening slowly transitioning my brain to another timezone. It's 2:42 am but I want to be awake because for the next couple of days I will need to adjust to a new timezone, a new world, a new self and adventure the universe has decided to send me to. We are over the Atlantic, somewhere close to Dublin Ireland the little screen in front of me points out on our flight path. People all around are postulat still sleeping, so in due respect i turn the screen off as to not to flood the cabin with too much artificial light, especially to my neighboor. I can't sleep and decide to start this new journal entry.
The last few weeks have been wild. Life can be so crazy in so many ways!!!!

After a week back in the US at the bitter cold end of march, I chose to embark on a quick journey out on the northeast coast primarily to visit my sister Esther in Washington DC with my deaf brother Yann, not yet knowing later that month I would be headed to France after a nine year non visit spell. In DC the weather already warming to spring with three 80 degree days i managed to busk and making out really well. You see I arrived just in time for the blossoming of the DC cherry blossom festival. This is something I can't stres: you must go see for yourself! Regardless of the crazy amounts and hoards of people it is so so so super pretty!!!!
The co-pilot and crew have now turned to cabin lights back on. A cart full of processed chemically yummed up breakfast and really watered down cheap el gringo coffee is waiting to startle our pallets with disappointment and anticipation for "le petit cafe francais" avec les petits sucres squares you can hardly find anywhere else. Yummm!!!!
After a whole week in DC filled with three days of playing and three days of family time at the natural history museum which houses a great collection of trilobites, which for those familiar with my brother, Yann was drooling over. Over the last year he has been building little by little his awesome fossil craft store (::::). It's wonderful to see him find his work passion! You can feel and see the passion and magic he possesses with his work when he shows you his craft and art on his display table he ocasionally setups at different alternative and art buffalo events.
We now are served Midget Croissant and plastic binned 4 piece fruit salad for breakfast. Coffee is yet to have its last word on this flight.
Our family time was also filled with the smithsonian zoo (one of the few I have not walked out of depressed or sad at the children's cry spells, which inherently -as Lara Buckley once told me- expressed their inner sadness and empathy for these poor animals living caged conditions)
Oh and now A real bitter splash of bitter orange concentrate juice to prepare you for the bad coffee.
But Lastly the highlight of our family time has to be the day we ended up walking an hour and fifteen minutes with Tayin (Esther's half chow half husky dog she bravely brought back with her from her three year Guatemala peace corps service) semi industrial rail lines to get to the famous National arboreteum!!!! It has had to be the Superdest awesome nature walk you can get to do!!! it's a real treat once you enter the park!!!
As predicted the coffee simply is water ragged yuck$&@

I knew I would stay a week in DC only but the weather still looked bleak and I wouldn't be able to buskat the zoo or the farmers market. I shot out a quick message to bill giffear in philadelphia to see if I could crash for a couple days before heading off to new York city. I knew it to be safe, big cities have loads of foot traffic and parks, and particularly these two cities were starting to spring away with tree baby buds and magnolia and cherry blossoms.
And so Philadelphia turned out to be wonderful! I wished I could have stayed longer, for in the space of three days bill introduced me loads of new musicians and contacts for future Philly visits and music jams!
I finished off in New York city which I have had difficulty coping with. It is a crazy bustling city, loud and at time obnouxious, Big and expansive, tiring, and clearly unequal with its towering accumulation of absurdly wealthy people. But this time I ended up in a neighboorhood called elmhurst. One stop past the Jackson heights Queens stop, Rafael Ramirez and Paul housed me in this wonderful multi ethnic neighborhood. Chinese, Mexican, Colombian, Indian, pakistani and no whites. I stayed there for a week and I can honestly say not once did I feel stressed. As a matter of fact, it always was a pleasure to walk out of the third floor apartment, walk a block to the corner colombian owned and operated dinner, where I sat down to breakfast and drank exceptionally better coffee than the one sitting here in front of me I chose to leave full. I played central park five days, mostly at the north side of the small zoo. I witnessed hoardes of french non tipping tourists (i can always pick the french out), germanic looking Minnesota Viking type extra white pales buy ice cream in 50 degree weather, wanna be bourgeois brazilian tourists clearly choosing to ignore the luis gonzaga tunes I played out once i spotted them. And yet despite being the cultural hyms of the northeast brazilian labouror, I was often ignored by these bourgeees.
But best of all, I simply loved the wonderful folk who sat down on the benches surrounding mine. These self inviting guests who are unafraid to enter the bubble I create for myself and them, are to the best part of traveling and playing music. I cant tell you how many times after i ve closed my eyes to enjoy my music, I open them back up a minute later to find to my surprise several by standers or sitting folk listening intimately listening to your playing and the output coming from it. Its pure delight and it only proves that You the musician are your most important and loving audience!!!!
Despite all this optimism I didnt make as much cash as i had hoped in new york city, however i cant be more gratefull for all that was given. I gave my best, at times for more than four or five hours of playing which can be really tiring by the time 4pm starts cooling the april crisp air of the city. And that is why it always was such a pleasure to head my way back to elmhurst, thirsty to speak that non white language Spanish, in that small and long dinner where everyone speaks a foreign language to make you feel more at home if you are homesick and where coffee taste better than the one on that uncomfortable night long american flight.

We are beginning our descent to Paris. By the time you read this I will already have landed. I am nervous and excited. I haven't been in Paris in 9 years. Some of you may know I do not have the best of my childhood memories here, but I am ready to land open hearted. In this strange land I could never find myself to say "it feels like home". I never did feel at home in France, I always felt very different, foreign to this land. But I can't deny that parts of me heavily identify to being French: I love great food, good coffee, cinema, arts culture, accordion and am super curious. French people are inherintly curious (some of them), they are always interested in world music (especially Brazilian music) and well cultured and read.
And so The truth is that I am coming here for two reasons: my grandmother who suffered aperforated ulcer surgery recovery (from which she will recover) and to embark on a new musical journey. I have come here without expectations nor goals but rather with an intention to play, share and learn new music! And that means all options and possilities are available to me.
A couple of years ago, I never imagined I could travel so much on such little earnings, but the truth is that never before have I felt more free since liberating myself from what I call the cube way of thinking and living. I always feared my financial stability and always thought I needed a 40 hours a week stable job. I don't, and it is precisely living without it which allows me to be so flexible to head off to these new adventures, or should i say to where the universe shows me to go.
I really expected to come back to buffalo and play another season in the streets and festivals of western new York, I ll try my best to stick around Paris, meet new friends and musicians and create new music to open new doors this crazy wild universe has for us!!!

Welcome Back

Hi Bloggers, readers.

Its been more than two years since I have written any entries. Most of you who know me, have heard my travel stories since. Why have I not written? … Well I have been through so many transformations in two years, being at times so active, that I seldomly devoted time to write and reflect on some of those transformations. I must admit its has been a shame, for this blog can immensely stimulate the act of self-reflection and the act of deepening into it. So here I am writing again!!And writing for one special reason:  this year has been different than the last two. Over the last month I have had some inner conflicts accepting the stillness surrounding my work.

Before I go further, for those who don't know, my second year traveling back to Brazil was filled with art, full living and discovery. When I arrived Natal December 2011,  I immediately connected with one of the neighbors who happened to be a street performer clown/juggler. We hit it up and quickly  formed a clown duo performing in the local municipal buses. We had a great vibe together as a duo, and we quickly found each other's characters in complement. To make it short after a month or so in Natal, we took the road and left for Bahia for Circus convention where I learnt some of the trade and art in different workshops. We continued together past Carnival travelling through some small some bigger towns performing in squares, carnival events and parties. I lived the dream of traveling and making art all while making enough cash to keep going to the next town.

 Sebastian and I in Jacobina, a gold royalty rich town where we performed in it's streets.

Unfortunetely early March  arrived and because of my tourist visa restrictions and having had my passport stolen I had to return to the US.
Being back in the US I performed extensively throughout the spring, summer and fall in the streets of Buffalo street. I even dared for some time to perform solo as a clown, but quickly found american crowds are less likely to open up to a clown. So for the extent of a month or two I toyed around clowning with music at the cost of exhausting myself after a couple of hours of clowing/accordion playing. To my sadness in the end I realized I made much more cash performing without the clown act, and financially had to fall back to playing only. It wasnt that I wasnt funny... People just didnt connect the association of clown with cash basket. It didnt bother me, but at times I did miss some of my clowing around with the kids walking in front of the Buffalo Zoo.

Two super sweet admirers James and Ahslyn who asked to pose with me!

So sum it up,  From spring 2011 to fall 2012 I have lived living off the humble earnings form my music and art. An unbelievable experience, a gift  from this universe. For these two years it seemed everything I wished and asked for myself would somehow materialize!!! I am so grateful to everyone who has and supports me. Thank you Universe!

Well this year, arriving in Natal without Sebastian (my Argentinian clown partner now in Ecuador) has been felt. I have found myself unable to perform in the streets of Natal. It is much harder to make good money working the street art in solo acts. Aside from the financial limitations on solo street performing here, it seems the universe has been indicating and pushing me to perform in the night life with other musicians. One of the reasons being that I have felt much improvement in my technique and music spontaniety since I have started performing in the streets. So in order to deepen and continue my musical growth for the last month, I have take the opportunity to more seriously learn new tunes. some technically more challenging, and some in different styles. Most notably lately I have been studying Noca do accordeon, who plays Quasi Chorros in a somewhat close french articulation. Check the audio below!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJoiJ1IdHlU

Even though I have been experiencing great satisfaction deepening my repertoire and improving my playing with the precious time the Universe gives us, I have to admit that this year's trip to Brazil does not compare to last year's. And of course there is no reason why it should.  After all I was travelling clowing and playing accordion town to town. But as Krishnamurti once wrote or said, Comparisons can be very self destructive.
I have been doing lots of thinking lately, questioning myself, this return to Brazil, wondering why I am not on the road if I indeed am feeling so still. The fact is that it is too easy to conclude something is wrong or odd if you are not experiencing movement. And it so because we often wrongly associate movement with progress. But as a wonderful friend pointed out a few nights ago sitting by the ocean you cant deny and reject what the universe gives you. When stillness surrounds you, you must embrace it, take advantage of it, and simply wait. When it points in a direction, you will know. It doesnt mean you should stay passive, remain active, but without expectations and simply be in the present and enjoy it!!!!!
So far any opportunities to perform have been locally here in Natal. Nothing has manifested letting me know I should take up the road, even though it has been calling me. But it only has because of the huge insecurity I have been feeling surrounded by stillness in opposition to all the moving and bussling of the last two years.

So in good news! I just landed myself a gig with a wonderful percussionist. On february 23rd I will perform an arragement of cumbias, chorro's, gipsy and french tunes!!! So yay to transforming myself from the street performer to the night artist here in Brazil where almost everyone could be a profesional musician!!!! Without a doubt the transition can appear slow, if not static at times, but I am transforming and am loving it. Thank you all who have been supporting me!

To conclude, I would like to show you a picture of the moment which  inspired me to write again. In truth, I was by the beach  sitting worried thinking of the stillness surrounding me when I noticed this fruit being broken down by these amazing ants. I was instantly amazed by the fact that these ants were working extremely fast to break down all the food they could get from the fruit laying on the beach. It dawned on me that the tide was low and dry, and that the ants having lived there for so many many generations and years, \ were aware of the tight time capsule which was given to them to work the food. For soon enough the tide would rise and take the fruit away.

Do you understand? think of it..,.

Just like in Ying and Yang, when the tide is full, to these ants it means that time is directing them to wait, rest, gather themselves for future movement, stay In. when the tide is low and dry, its time to go outward and bring in.
What does that mean? Dont despair when time seems to be still or when you arent moving, it only means you must take advantage of it and recenter yourself. Be still and simply wait until the tide empties out again! Contemplate and enjoy the calmness!!!

I have so much more to say and write, especially spiritually with some ceremonies I took part in. But that will have to be written in the next blog!!!

Luz Paz Amor!
I miss all my friends! And I would like to thank you once again all for the support you have given me over the many years!

Arrival in the Northeast Brazil

Wednesday November 10th.
Hi Everyone!!

I know it has been a while!! But i have finally taken the time to write!
Its been three months now that i have left my last job, and its been an amazing adventure.It all started with a weird ride i got in August from Buffalo to Monticello NY, the awesome week at the Balkan music camp, the amazing two weeks and a half in Guatemala, the few great 10 days spent in New York City that changed my mind about the awful big place, the almost three weeks spent in Sao Paulo Brazil at my father's place recording music on his mini studio, to finally being here in the northeast of Brazil in a place called Pau Amarelo, Pernambuco.
Do you see Recife up there on the farthest East coastal area? That is where I am right now.
In later posts i will recite some of those adventures, but in the mean time i need to focus on starting this blog, and it is easier to do so with writing of the present.
My journey won't end here, for next week from today my momma will arrive in Recife( yes Finally!!!) . We shall stay here for a few days until heading north 5 hours north of here to the coastal dunes of Natal to finally be reunited with Mom's lover the great Sueli. After a few days after that i shall depart to the town of Caruaru, Pernambuco, the capital of Forro style Pe' de Serra.

The dirt street I am currently living off of.

Pau Amarelo is a relatively poor area. Most side roads in this urban neighborhood are made of dirt with lots of holes.
There are very few white people, most are coffee with milk, i definitely stand out here. When i first arrived, people would cover their eyes when crossing one another on the road. I thought maybe i needed to cut my hair, but i soon realized the sun was glaring off of my white chest....From there on i was determined to make sure i get more color on my skin...



As of now, I am well, except for the annoying cough i have had for almost a week now. After leaving Sao Paulo last week i arrived in  northeast with a whole apartment available to myself. Former Catholic Sister Lucia left me her keys to her apt while she was away. It was wonderful except for the mosquito bites i endured during the nights of the living room hammack. So naturally over the last few days i have been wondering of the possibility of having contracted Dengue. But rest assured, the paranoia of my conscious was just briefly stronger than my rational brain. I have no fever nor cold sweats, it probably is just Tubercolosis.
I now moved upstairs to Sueli's apartment which she has graciously left me use, where thank goodness there are nets dangling from above the beds.
The mosquito issue is not really one to the extent of quantity but of the quality. You see, this region is dry in the summer (remember i am in the southern hemisphere, therefore summers and winters are reversed from you all up north), the present quantity of mosquitoes isn't overwhelming. The problem is that these Brazilian northern blood sucking unloved demons are very quick and enigmatically smart in avoiding your gaze and in perceiving that they have been discovered. I have logically come to a possible explanation vis-a-vis their swift nature. As the northeast of Brazil is much closer to the equator, the lenght of days are relatively equal all year long. As a matter of fact they don't even use day light savings time as they do in southern Brazil (rio and Sao Paulo). Being closer to the equator also means that the sun rises and goes down very quickly compared to Cancer and Capricorn tropics areas... It is really amazing... the sun rises at 5 am and sets around 530 pm..but it does so at great velocity. The window for a little white dude swimming in the ocean only opens early morning until 9am, by then the sun is already high and strong. As for the evening window from 230pm to 5 sundown. By the way I ain't whitty no more, i got lots of color by now :-). Regardless i still try to adhere to being out around those windows.
Anyway to those demons we all dislike with passion,,, Since the daylight and sunlight is very quick to appeare, it is my belief that mosquitoes must have had the necessity of developing quick reflexes and speed as a means to quickly hiding from sunlight. Quite plausible no? those damned beasts....

The Building in which i am staying.

My schedule is quite simple and comfortably regular. I wake up around 630am, (past 7am, it simply is too warm to sleep, and there is no air conditioning here). Houses are extremely well built here. The small two story apartment building i am currently in as all other construction here are all made of brick, cement and beton arme' ( i forgot the English translation).
Lots of windows and openings are strategically built as to allow the maximum air flow and circulation. Sueli's apartment has a constant breeze entering and leaving all the rooms. It is a wonderful breeze being that everyday is a normal 30 degrees celsius (90's F , is that correct? sorry i have no internet at the apartment, i head out to an internet LAN gamers cafe where i pay US$ 65 cents and hour.)

The beach i usually go to.

Anyway coming back to my schedule, after waking up I head out to the beach (5 minute walk from the apt) where i swim a little and get some sun walking up or down the beach, peacefully soothed by the waves rythmic music.

I return to the building. I have breakfast with former catholic nun Lucia. I usually have some delicious french bread (yes the Brazilian's bakeries at the supermarkets have better tasting frenchbread that wegmans, allthough wegmans is a little more substantial and filling). I also always have a banana vitamina, blendered banana and any other fruit such as papaya with milk and oatmeal powder.... yuuuuuuuuujmmmmmmmmmmm.....
I promise I will make sure to post some pictures of some the amazing fruit here... fresh and so sweet in sugars.... hmmm

Another beach I go to, The Mareia is high at this moment

After breakfast, i pick up the accordion and practice and learn a Forro tune until lunch. Eat lunch that Irma Lucia has graciously been cooking, read for a bit on the sofa for digestion sakes, head to the computer to edit or record some music tracks. At about 3, I head back out for a swim or bike ride, until the sun starts setting behind you out west... The ocean is super warm by the afternoon, that once the sun is starting to go down, its feels warmer staying in the water....

I then go to the little market for the evening dinner needs. Eat dinner watching the Jornal Nacional with Irma Lucia, head back to Sueli's apartment to read until bedtime around 9 or 10pm depending on how good the book is...
So most of my days here are spent alone, and I am quite happy with it for now. It is purely paradise-like living....you really feel no need of anything more than what you alreay have.

Nest of the bird in baby birthing canal!

Did I tell you that there is a bird living in Sueli's apartment?

When i first entered the apartment, i found a little bird that nested on one of the wall decorations. The funny thing is that, this bird nested in my mother's baby delivey demonstration piece. It consists of the bone structure of a mother's hips with a baby doll's head stuck in the opening, simulating a birth.... Funny huh!!

Sueli's amazing world of stones

Sueli's apartment is filled with magic... check ou the pics. Can you see the table filled with her living rocks she has found throughout her lifetime... gazillions...

Sueli's apartement

ok i need to get going!!  I hope you enjoy the pictures... i will keep you posted on future events... i hope to to have this blog updated once a week, and hope to put the music i have been recording on it soon once the slow editing is complete.

Quick Sunset

Lots of love to all!
I miss yall!!
Let me know if you want to come down, we can make it happen!!
remember anything is possible in this life... you just have to put your head to it...

Feel free to ask questions!!!

Waking Up

It all starts with the other reality: in a dream.

Seeds of Planetary Globes

I am in a strange land. Its flat, and can feel the ocean close by, to my right.
To my left a large field, possibly a cow field, remenesents of the Normandie thousand year old cow grazing fields that make such great milk and camembert. Im not sure how i got there, possibly on a bike, but i remember one thing a bus is there, and so is my father. The bus stands there waiting for other passengers, american tourists waiting to load onto the bus.
To the far left of the road: a factory. Possibly my symbol interpretation of Sao Paulo, the great Brazilian industrial megapolis. I turn my back to the building and face what i believe is the ocean far beyond the flat field. And right there I witness one of the most beautiful sights; the sun few degrees high before setting with the moon as big and almost as orange to it's left. I could even see the craters shadows so close we were to it. i stand i awe.
Suddendly i hear a voice from one of the people standing next to the charter bus. It calls out Time to load onto to the bus for the departure.
I protest immediately.
"No!!! In ten minutes we will get to see the most beautiful sunset!"
And american looking lady in her early 60's gets off the bus, and yells out that the others cant miss their flights, and the bus must leave now.
How can this be i replied, what is important in this universe are the miracles we are about to witness, look over there and watch the simple miracle of nature's beauty. This is what life is about, isn't it to you all?
One by one, the other gringos get off the bus which came from beyond the factory and load onto a second bus which is standing on the road facing the ocean plane it ran parallel to.
Disapointed and sad I realize it is time to say goodbye to my father . I cry and cry, and ask him: "must you really leave?".
Violin case in his hand as i have always seen him leave as a child, he nods and tries comforting me with words of no cries. I look up again, and see the sun setting with it's moon by it's side beyond high distand clouds. We hug each other, kiss each other, i tell him I love him, he replies the same and the bus leaves leaving me crying on this dirt road which so soon i will be heading onto up North of Brazil.

I woke up earlier than usual, shaken up. It was a quiet morning, the kind you are more attent to the unisound hum a city a huge city vibrates to. I sat there for a few minutes in bed in the quietness, realizing i had not done so in a while. I suddendly realized that what i felt in my dream was awfully close to how i felt as a young boy having to say goodbye to my father when he would leave on concerts trips or tours. And yet in the dream despite older at 30 and my father at 61 (which i found the hardest and longest to calculate), the same exact feeling of loss was still present within me.
And so there in the quietness, alone and in comforting solitude, I understood I will have difficulty accepting my father's departure from the world you and I are currently in.

I am not sure why i am writing this first blog on the deadly subject of death, but maybe it means that i need to re-assert myself in accepting that accepting our mortality and the infinite finite is not ever definite. It comes and goes, it flows in and out. And so on this morning, i tell myself and you that I have & have not yet come to terms with my own and our mortality.

I left on this voyage because our life is a trip in itself, and moments like this morning's is exactly what i was hoping to live during this long voyage. In my unknown destination, it isn't only my father who is a visitor on this planet. It am too a passenger who must day depart and separate with nothing-else but memories of the left behind.

On the road, on Hudson Bridge NY with the Catskills with Mom, thinking of my loved deaf brother Yann.