It all starts with the other reality: in a dream.
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| Seeds of Planetary Globes |
I am in a strange land. Its flat, and can feel the ocean close by, to my right.
To my left a large field, possibly a cow field, remenesents of the Normandie thousand year old cow grazing fields that make such great milk and camembert. Im not sure how i got there, possibly on a bike, but i remember one thing a bus is there, and so is my father. The bus stands there waiting for other passengers, american tourists waiting to load onto the bus.
To the far left of the road: a factory. Possibly my symbol interpretation of Sao Paulo, the great Brazilian industrial megapolis. I turn my back to the building and face what i believe is the ocean far beyond the flat field. And right there I witness one of the most beautiful sights; the sun few degrees high before setting with the moon as big and almost as orange to it's left. I could even see the craters shadows so close we were to it. i stand i awe.
Suddendly i hear a voice from one of the people standing next to the charter bus. It calls out Time to load onto to the bus for the departure.
I protest immediately.
"No!!! In ten minutes we will get to see the most beautiful sunset!"
And american looking lady in her early 60's gets off the bus, and yells out that the others cant miss their flights, and the bus must leave now.
How can this be i replied, what is important in this universe are the miracles we are about to witness, look over there and watch the simple miracle of nature's beauty. This is what life is about, isn't it to you all?
One by one, the other gringos get off the bus which came from beyond the factory and load onto a second bus which is standing on the road facing the ocean plane it ran parallel to.
Disapointed and sad I realize it is time to say goodbye to my father . I cry and cry, and ask him: "must you really leave?".
Violin case in his hand as i have always seen him leave as a child, he nods and tries comforting me with words of no cries. I look up again, and see the sun setting with it's moon by it's side beyond high distand clouds. We hug each other, kiss each other, i tell him I love him, he replies the same and the bus leaves leaving me crying on this dirt road which so soon i will be heading onto up North of Brazil.
I woke up earlier than usual, shaken up. It was a quiet morning, the kind you are more attent to the unisound hum a city a huge city vibrates to. I sat there for a few minutes in bed in the quietness, realizing i had not done so in a while. I suddendly realized that what i felt in my dream was awfully close to how i felt as a young boy having to say goodbye to my father when he would leave on concerts trips or tours. And yet in the dream despite older at 30 and my father at 61 (which i found the hardest and longest to calculate), the same exact feeling of loss was still present within me.
And so there in the quietness, alone and in comforting solitude, I understood I will have difficulty accepting my father's departure from the world you and I are currently in.
I am not sure why i am writing this first blog on the deadly subject of death, but maybe it means that i need to re-assert myself in accepting that accepting our mortality and the infinite finite is not ever definite. It comes and goes, it flows in and out. And so on this morning, i tell myself and you that I have & have not yet come to terms with my own and our mortality.
I left on this voyage because our life is a trip in itself, and moments like this morning's is exactly what i was hoping to live during this long voyage. In my unknown destination, it isn't only my father who is a visitor on this planet. It am too a passenger who must day depart and separate with nothing-else but memories of the left behind.
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| On the road, on Hudson Bridge NY with the Catskills with Mom, thinking of my loved deaf brother Yann. |
